One, Two, Three, Bungy!!!

And I jump again!!!

You will find it ironic to read this post following the last one I wrote almost six month ago. I am out of business again! I gave a notice and I am officially unemployed again starting from the 27th of February. It didn't last long, a?

Why am I leaving this time? Again, because of the same reason, and the reason is ME. I did the same mistake again, gave too much, got too involved… The HR lady called me a TOTAL person, and this is exactly my biggest problem. Well, at least this time I stopped myself after six months and not years. And I still have to do a lot of work with myself.

So back to the search business with a little bit more clarity about who I am and what is more suitable for me…

Be well!

Back in business …

Well, I am officially not a bum anymore. Today was my first working day! I am still a little bit shaken it is such a change!

I should have written earlier, when I just got the news (on Thursday); I was excited and felt like a winner. I did it, I got a job! After exactly 13.5 months off, I am back in business. But it also means something else, it means no Cambodia soon. Again I choose the same known path, and again I am full with doubts, I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up! I still have nothing meaningful in my life! I feel like I should have been doing something great, but I don’t know what it is (maybe it is just my ego talking :-)).
Anyway for now, I am going to do a great System Analysis :-). And I promise myself (and you are here to remind me) I will not give up on the search for this meaning in my life! This much I must do!!!

Today, after a sleepless night I spent the day at a customer site (where I will be doing my Analysis), introduction & kick off meetings. It was so strange!!! The dynamic between people is very different, no more sisters and brothers; people sit around a table and do business, talk business… And to my big surprise within two hours I found myself talking the talk! I guess, after all I have it in me :-), ah… :-)

Anyway, wish me luck! Wish you could join me for a beer to celebrate, but it is too late, the party is NOW officially over!!!

Be well!

P.S
I miss Oshka!!!

Relationships...

Today, in the spirit of Carrie Bradshaw (a lot of 'Sex and the city' lately), I want to talk about relationships. How much do we compromise just to be a couple? What happened to soul mates, to two people sharing the world, completing each other sentences, feeling each other from a distance? Does nobody want it anymore? Can it really work?

I believe all people are thirsty for love, kindness and understanding in life. And I strongly believe that all relationships between people in general, definitely a couple, should be based on those needs. I know people are different and nobody (not even I) is perfect, yet I believe there is that ONE special somebody, a soul mate, a person to share and experience the world with, somebody who will finish my sentences and laugh from my jokes, the ONE that will feel me. And personally, I am not willing to compromise on nothing else; even if it means that I will be at the age of 90 when I find him (as one of my friends pointed out today).
Look, I am not being naïve or extremely romantic, I just really think it cannot work any other way, and you, couples around me, are my best argument.

• People who are kind and loving to each other DO NOT hurt each other and do not make each other miserable. You would not hurt your best friend, or your sister.
• Soul mates are MATES; none of you are! You are him and her. To me, a mate is somebody to have a fun beers night with. Somebody to fool around with. And of course somebody to share your ideas for life, you should be able to share your deepest thoughts, that's what you do with your best friend, right? So why not with your life partner?
• People who understand each other might not have the same interest in play station, but they understand your enthusiasm.
• Sharing the world is more than sharing an apartment, or a couple of children. Communication and mutual interests are necessity in my opinion. What do you do otherwise except watching TV? With all your friends you have something in common, to burn fun couple of hours, right?
• The get together with her/his friends should be FUN, not a punishment; you have something in common, right? Remember how Carrie worried that Big will not like her friends :-) (again, 'Sex and the city').

All these small things will eventually take you apart from each other, grow into bitterness. You will feel lonely, like nobody understands you in the all world. You don't even really talk to the closest person who you share the world with. And you don't really have any friends left. Think about it!

I believe no special one can fulfill all my needs, I am not talking about being the world for each other; I am talking about sharing. And each of course, is a rich world on its own.
But really, what do I know about relationships? Sleeping over, is my most meaningful relationship for now, so easy for me to say, ah?

Anyway, nothing personal, it is just a general observation and has nothing to do with you; I was just thinking loud...

Be well!

P.S no job. I am seriously checking teaching English in Asia positions; maybe it is time to make a different choose. But we will talk about next time…

Oshka!!!

I love this girl!!!

rolling on a grass with Oshka

From Israel - Frei...

Be well!!!

P.S still no job :-(...

Would you change?

"Change" - by Tracy Chapman

If you knew that you would die today,
Saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you knew that love can break your heart
When you're down so low you cannot fall
Would you change?
Would you change?

How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,
Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?
Makes you change?

If you knew that you would be alone,
Knowing right, being wrong,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you knew that you would find a truth
That brings up pain that can't be soothed
Would you change?
Would you change?

How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,
Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?
Makes you change?

Are you so upright you can't be bent?
If it comes to blows are you so sure you won't be crawling?
If not for the good, why risk falling?
Why risk falling?

If everything you think you know,
Makes your life unbearable,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you'd broken every rule and vow,
And hard times come to bring you down,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you knew that you would die today,
If you saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?
Would you change?
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you saw the face of God and love
If you saw the face of God and love
Would you change?
Would you change?

Be well!
I love this song!

I miss people!!!

This is another aspect which makes my adaptation period hard, I miss people! When I traveled I met so many people and now it's all different. Well, I have my friends of course, but I still feel lonely and keen for more people, more colors in my life. In the "liberal" Tel-Aviv's party scene, such a need, just a friendly smile, is usually interpreted as a "hunt" (and I am being gentleJ). Smiling to people on the streets ends up with them questioning whether you know each other. I am surrounded by people, who speak the same language, share the same reality and the same basic needs for human affection, but we do not interact. Maybe because of our busy daily life, maybe because we afraid to smile to each other, I don't know. All I know that it makes me feel very lonely and sad.

"We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection." - Dalai Lama

Be well!

P.S remember my "Happy 2007" wishes?

" The main reason I stayed here is LOVE. I am in love with people around me and they love me back. I walk the streets with a big smile on my face and everywhere people know me, "Hello Bopha", "Where you go, Bopha?" (Bopha is my new name, it means flower (which of course suits me a lot :-)). I am alone, but never lonely, thanks to the kind, carrying and loving people around me.
This is what I wish for the New Year, for us to be surrounded by LOVE. Love of our friends, neighbors, family, life partners, children, and just people around!!!"

Nostalgia

You keep me going!!! Thank you for your kindness and care!!! You are special people to me; I love you with all my heart and miss you like crazy!!!
My brother, Den

My son, Sopea

My student, KimHong



I read these emails often, not because of the fancy English but because of the human kindness and love in them. They give me strength! (And I had a little to do with the fact they even write emails, and in English!!! - Yeh)

Check out these smiles

Cambodia - My Friends and Family

Be well!

Bopha

P.S I am still a bummer ...