Oksana: March 2007

It took me almost a week to finally finish the post, sorry! Kalpesh, this one is for you, I think you are the only one who still follows my blog :-). Sorry it's so long :-).

08 March, 2007 (11:10)
WOW, life is very fast and hectic here! You are sucked in so easily that you don't even notice. Just now, as I finally set down to catch up with you, water started to get up the sink in the kitchen, some plumbing issue. It is the second time it happens (I live in Leika's place) and it means the whole kitchen gets flooded. Today we are lucky, last time it happens at night, so we woke up in the morning to find the living room full of water. Now, every five/ten minutes I manually take the water out from the sink so we won't get flooded again, and in between I write to you…

Only 3 weeks since I am back home, but it feels much longer. Every morning I wake up and carefully ask myself "Am I still happy?" and Yes, I am. I was so afraid that once I get back home these feelings I had for the last three months will go away. But in the mean time I am pleasantly surprised.
It is great to see all my friends and family. With some I realize how important and real the relationship is; with others I no longer have anything in common.

Israel is very pretty at this time of year, it is green and fresh after the rains and it is a real joy to be outside, unfortunately I don't spend enough time out. The sunsets are beautiful; unfortunately I don't see enough of them either.
I don't have enough time for myself! The phone is always ringing, or you are in a car, or the TV is on and you spend so much time doing nothing.

Need to go, the plumber is here…

10 March, 2007 (15:35)
People definitely smile less in Israel, this is for sure! Everybody's life is so difficult. My friends have to deal with jobs, bills, love life problems, some even with kids (the biggest job ever, FUN but hard).
I walk the streets and people don't even look at each other, or if they do, they look through. Exchanging smiles is very rare, and usually more accepted with old people or kids. I understand, life is hard!

Need to go Leika, is back…

11 March, 2007 (23:00)
Now I have Tracy Chapman on, like the long evenings in sunset bar Siem Reap, Cambodia. Leika and Osher are sleeping and I set down to finally finish this post. I promised myself I will not change at home, but I have. This is the longest time I haven't blogged since I started my blog. The routine is less exciting to write about, unless you want some stories about people problems at work or home, etc'. I am not reading a book (for a first in the last months), I watch too much TV and spend too much time on the phone!
But I am happy!!! I am!
I am not working yet, and not sure whether I should search for a job, or just buy a ticket (I have enough money for a ticket) and fly back to Cambodia. I don't know.
I don't want to go back to the real life; I don't want to live like my friends, like I did before. I got angry for the first time couple of days ago, I shouldn't. My smile is fading away and I miss happy, smiling people around me.
On the other hand, something stops me from buying the ticket. Can I, is it really me to spend my life on the roads? Can I really disconnect from the real world and be happy earning my rise in Cambodia? I will never own a house, important carrier, savings… What about tomorrow??? - Everybody asks…
The same part of me always reminds me that till now I didn't really lived Cambodia through They are happy with what they have, I was happy with money. If I will go this time, it will be different, I am not coming as a tourist and I have no money, will I still be happy living the real life in Cambodia?
Anyway, I miss the person I was there, I miss Bopha! And I miss my friends and family. And I miss the Khmer smile a lot!
I have time, so I think. And maybe I should go back just for some time, until I will figure it out… Maybe there is another way, in the middle, I just didn't think of it yet…

Need to go Leika, woke up, it is coffee and conversation time, I promise to be back soon…

12 March, 2007 (00:21)
It's late and I am tired… I want to finish my post with some pictures of pretty Israel and my friends.

Tel-Aviv sunset