Back in business …

Well, I am officially not a bum anymore. Today was my first working day! I am still a little bit shaken it is such a change!

I should have written earlier, when I just got the news (on Thursday); I was excited and felt like a winner. I did it, I got a job! After exactly 13.5 months off, I am back in business. But it also means something else, it means no Cambodia soon. Again I choose the same known path, and again I am full with doubts, I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up! I still have nothing meaningful in my life! I feel like I should have been doing something great, but I don’t know what it is (maybe it is just my ego talking :-)).
Anyway for now, I am going to do a great System Analysis :-). And I promise myself (and you are here to remind me) I will not give up on the search for this meaning in my life! This much I must do!!!

Today, after a sleepless night I spent the day at a customer site (where I will be doing my Analysis), introduction & kick off meetings. It was so strange!!! The dynamic between people is very different, no more sisters and brothers; people sit around a table and do business, talk business… And to my big surprise within two hours I found myself talking the talk! I guess, after all I have it in me :-), ah… :-)

Anyway, wish me luck! Wish you could join me for a beer to celebrate, but it is too late, the party is NOW officially over!!!

Be well!

P.S
I miss Oshka!!!

Relationships...

Today, in the spirit of Carrie Bradshaw (a lot of 'Sex and the city' lately), I want to talk about relationships. How much do we compromise just to be a couple? What happened to soul mates, to two people sharing the world, completing each other sentences, feeling each other from a distance? Does nobody want it anymore? Can it really work?

I believe all people are thirsty for love, kindness and understanding in life. And I strongly believe that all relationships between people in general, definitely a couple, should be based on those needs. I know people are different and nobody (not even I) is perfect, yet I believe there is that ONE special somebody, a soul mate, a person to share and experience the world with, somebody who will finish my sentences and laugh from my jokes, the ONE that will feel me. And personally, I am not willing to compromise on nothing else; even if it means that I will be at the age of 90 when I find him (as one of my friends pointed out today).
Look, I am not being naïve or extremely romantic, I just really think it cannot work any other way, and you, couples around me, are my best argument.

• People who are kind and loving to each other DO NOT hurt each other and do not make each other miserable. You would not hurt your best friend, or your sister.
• Soul mates are MATES; none of you are! You are him and her. To me, a mate is somebody to have a fun beers night with. Somebody to fool around with. And of course somebody to share your ideas for life, you should be able to share your deepest thoughts, that's what you do with your best friend, right? So why not with your life partner?
• People who understand each other might not have the same interest in play station, but they understand your enthusiasm.
• Sharing the world is more than sharing an apartment, or a couple of children. Communication and mutual interests are necessity in my opinion. What do you do otherwise except watching TV? With all your friends you have something in common, to burn fun couple of hours, right?
• The get together with her/his friends should be FUN, not a punishment; you have something in common, right? Remember how Carrie worried that Big will not like her friends :-) (again, 'Sex and the city').

All these small things will eventually take you apart from each other, grow into bitterness. You will feel lonely, like nobody understands you in the all world. You don't even really talk to the closest person who you share the world with. And you don't really have any friends left. Think about it!

I believe no special one can fulfill all my needs, I am not talking about being the world for each other; I am talking about sharing. And each of course, is a rich world on its own.
But really, what do I know about relationships? Sleeping over, is my most meaningful relationship for now, so easy for me to say, ah?

Anyway, nothing personal, it is just a general observation and has nothing to do with you; I was just thinking loud...

Be well!

P.S no job. I am seriously checking teaching English in Asia positions; maybe it is time to make a different choose. But we will talk about next time…

Oshka!!!

I love this girl!!!

rolling on a grass with Oshka

From Israel - Frei...

Be well!!!

P.S still no job :-(...

Would you change?

"Change" - by Tracy Chapman

If you knew that you would die today,
Saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you knew that love can break your heart
When you're down so low you cannot fall
Would you change?
Would you change?

How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,
Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?
Makes you change?

If you knew that you would be alone,
Knowing right, being wrong,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you knew that you would find a truth
That brings up pain that can't be soothed
Would you change?
Would you change?

How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,
Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?
Makes you change?

Are you so upright you can't be bent?
If it comes to blows are you so sure you won't be crawling?
If not for the good, why risk falling?
Why risk falling?

If everything you think you know,
Makes your life unbearable,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you'd broken every rule and vow,
And hard times come to bring you down,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you knew that you would die today,
If you saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?
Would you change?
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you saw the face of God and love
If you saw the face of God and love
Would you change?
Would you change?

Be well!
I love this song!

I miss people!!!

This is another aspect which makes my adaptation period hard, I miss people! When I traveled I met so many people and now it's all different. Well, I have my friends of course, but I still feel lonely and keen for more people, more colors in my life. In the "liberal" Tel-Aviv's party scene, such a need, just a friendly smile, is usually interpreted as a "hunt" (and I am being gentleJ). Smiling to people on the streets ends up with them questioning whether you know each other. I am surrounded by people, who speak the same language, share the same reality and the same basic needs for human affection, but we do not interact. Maybe because of our busy daily life, maybe because we afraid to smile to each other, I don't know. All I know that it makes me feel very lonely and sad.

"We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection." - Dalai Lama

Be well!

P.S remember my "Happy 2007" wishes?

" The main reason I stayed here is LOVE. I am in love with people around me and they love me back. I walk the streets with a big smile on my face and everywhere people know me, "Hello Bopha", "Where you go, Bopha?" (Bopha is my new name, it means flower (which of course suits me a lot :-)). I am alone, but never lonely, thanks to the kind, carrying and loving people around me.
This is what I wish for the New Year, for us to be surrounded by LOVE. Love of our friends, neighbors, family, life partners, children, and just people around!!!"

Nostalgia

You keep me going!!! Thank you for your kindness and care!!! You are special people to me; I love you with all my heart and miss you like crazy!!!
My brother, Den

My son, Sopea

My student, KimHong



I read these emails often, not because of the fancy English but because of the human kindness and love in them. They give me strength! (And I had a little to do with the fact they even write emails, and in English!!! - Yeh)

Check out these smiles

Cambodia - My Friends and Family

Be well!

Bopha

P.S I am still a bummer ...

Fear is starting to crawl under my skin...

In the spirit of Brigit Jones (I have been watching it again :-(, this is bad, very bad sign) I can say:
Number of job interviews =0,
Number of job related phone calls = 0,
To sum it up = No JOB!!!

Fear is starting to crawl under my skin and it makes me feel very insecure. I don't enjoy my free time anymore; this job thing is like one big cloud over my head. I hate it!!!

Oh, I miss my Bopha days so much, I felt like a queen of the world back then. :-( :-( :-(

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU!!!

"We earn your trust – We provide the service – We grant the security" (the official Israel Police slogan)
NO YOU DON'T !!!

I was invited to join S in a Shantipi festival which took place over the weekend up in North (Kineret). S and his reggae band were performing at the festival and I came along.
The Shantipi festival (shanty - interior peace) takes place already more than 10 years; it is a celebration of nature, art and love. Tradition started by people seeking to create a society of harmony, love and mutual understanding, people of all ages, all colors.
Sounds great isn't it? Well, it would be, if we weren't living in 1984 like society, where the BIG BROTHER is watching us!

We reached Kineret around noon (Friday), and spent a lovely afternoon on the beach to the sounds of Reggae music. S's band preformed with the sunset, they were great!!! It was really in the spirit of the festival, reggae tunes on a background of amazing sunset, happy people around, feeling of freedom!!!
They finished and with all the good vibes we set around in a circle and celebrated the good day we had.

Unfortunately our celebration was very short, as in some point out of nowhere, three policemen jumped (and I mean jumped) on S. They grabbed him and shouted loudly, we all were shocked. S asked them to take their hands out of him, we all did, so what? They were convinced they have just seen him rolling something; they picked up from the grass a small dube lying next to S. Our repeated requests to take their hands of S and talk to us in an appropriate way were not answered and only made them more angry. We asked to know their identification, and this was not answered as well. Than they put handcuffs on him, do you believe it!!! Following, they searched all our bags (we were ~ 10 people), while S is standing hand-cuffed, few meters away from where he just played the tunes of freedom, ironic, isn't it. In one of the bags (belong to a girl that was with us) they found a box, inside which there were filters and rolling paper, NOTHING else. She was also taken to investigation, don't ask me why. They found nothing else!!! S and the girl were taken to the station for further investigation. As for the rest of us, we were harassed humiliated and insulted by people who supposedly "serve us", "grant us security", what a joke!!!

It lasted for another four hours; we set outside of the police station waiting for our criminals to be released, trying to understand on which basis at all they are hold. The girl was released after an hour or so, as for S it lasted longer. All our attempts to approach somebody who will talk to us as to human beings failed, we were verbally insulted, and threaten to be taken in as well, for different very creative crimes, such as insulting a police officer or interrupting a police officer, etc'. To my question if there is no such thing as insulting a civilian, I was asked to get the hell out of there (again, not in a polite way!!!)

Finally, S was free, but not for long. As he was crossing the gates he mumbled something, which made another "nice" policeman very angry and S was ordered to get in again for offending a police officer this time. When I asked what happened again, the nice man answered and I quote "For what he just said if we weren't here he would be very hurt", I became furious, in place where I come from people do not hurt each other (this considered in my eyes a crime) and this is a police officer!!! What the FUCK!!! (excuse my language)
Anyway, it took another hour or more for S to be out, with two cases open. One for attacking an officer (they couldn’t stitch drugs case, so instead S's reaction on people jumping on him and grabbing his hands out of nowhere, which we saw as an attack, was actually S attacking the police, ridicules!!! ) and another one for offending an officer (the same one who would beat the hell out of Sas he himself said).

We left the festival in the middle of the night, tired, humiliated and very angry. What made me angry the most is the fact that I am helpless, they just do whatever they want!!!

Hey, MANAYAKIM (and I am NOT sorry for saying it), here are some suggestions for a new slogan, a more suitable one:

From George Orwell's, 1984
"…The Party seeks power entirely for its own sake.
... We know that no one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. Power is not a means, it is an end.
... How does one man assert his power over another?
... By making him suffer. Obedience is not enough. Unless he is suffering, how can you be sure that he is obeying your will and not his own? Power is inflicting pain and humiliation.
... A world of fear and treachery and torment, a world of trampling and being trampled upon, a world which will grow not less but more merciless as it refines itself. ..."

As for me, I smoke dubes, I do!!! I am very much aware of the law and willing to face any consequences BY LAW. BUT I WILL NOT suffer humiliation as such! I will NOT!!!

We live in a country where the government is corrupted, where criminals get out of punishment because of endless "combinot", where stealing and raping is a standard. But when it comes to civilians, who smoke a dube, they are considered to be real enemies (even if there are no evidence as you see from our sad story). The government chooses to ignore the fact that hunting for people who use Kanabis is NOT solving any real problem and it is about the time to face the reality and legalize self use, but this is a different discussion.

And one last question to the police, just out of curiosity, how many drug dialers were arrested during this weekend??? How many stolen cars were found, how many crimes were solved? Or were you too busy in harassing people in a festival which is all about love, harmony, peace and FREEDOM.

"We earn your trust – We provide the service – We grant the security" – hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Osher

In the grayest day Osher ("happiness" in Hebrew) always brings a smile on my face!

Last Friday - Tel Aviv beach


Yersteday - a walk in Givat Brener (hike to the hill :-))
(By the way if you wonder what it is on Osher's head, it is a crown, she was chosen to a kindergarten queen :-) ).





Be well!!!

I am stuck...

I am stuck...
It is 3 months since I got back and I am not even close to have my life organized. I still live with Leika and Osher, haven't got my own place yet. The first month was all about welcoming, and I enjoyed my friends, family and Israel after a long time apart.
The second month was a questioning month, I needed to face the reality and make up some decisions. It was a very hard month with a lot of questions, but finally I have made up my mind. I decided to search for a job back in software, since it is seems to be the only option that can pay for an apartment I want on the beach and allow me to sponsor my Cambodian family, my beers, my travels, etc' (not really Dalai Lama's approach, a...).
So the third month is all about interviews :-(. For the last couple of weeks I have been in many interviews, for different companies, some are doing software for the stock market, others are in telecoms, and many more. I sit in the interviews, listen to the important man describing what the company does and bla-bla-bla, and I really don't care. I have no passion for this field, at all. I mean I know once I get to a position, there will be a challenge of getting skilled, knowledgeable, the "best", so it will grab be for a while, but at this point, I just want to get it over with. Unfortunately it is not that easy. I have decided to try and search for a job for 4 days a week , so it will give me one more day a week for myself. I could do some volunteering activity, maybe go back to University, I don't know. Anyway, this makes things much more complicated. The interviews usually go smooth, I impress the people and the atmosphere is very positive, till I say the magic words, 4 days a week! I am giving it a try, if I won't be able to find, I probably will give up, but not yet...

Let's say it isn't the best time of my life now, I feel confused and not very enthusiastic about my life. I am stuck!!!

Be well!

What else?

My Kushkush is back!!!

Maxim is back! Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!!!

I missed you so much, Kushkush!!!

So what have I been doing?

Not much...

There was the Pesah, of course. Dinner at my Mom's, the all family! It was a great evening with the closest people to me, as a real holiday should be.

Pesah 2007

Following, thanks to a very good friend, Gabi, I traveled my way to Jordan. It was so great to travel again; even if it was only for 3 days :-).
Jordan is amazing! It is so great to be able to cross the borders between two neighbor countries so easily, too shame we cannot visit all our neighbors :-(.
And of course Petra, of which I knew nothing about (I am shame to admit), Petra is exciting and so powerful! It is a combination of nature and man-made perfection!

Jordan, April 2007

And, I had the best partner for the journey, Gabi! Gabi told me about the special place Petra takes is Israeli history, in the hearts of Israelis ("The red rock").
Gabi is a very special person, I know him for years. He is very sensitive, caring and kind. This time I had the privilege to discover that he is also an adventures traveler, and a fun one!
Thank you Gabi! Always when I think of Petra, I will think of you.

From Jordan, April...

!!!! Lucky me, such a GREAT people I know !!!!!!

What else?

Of course I spend a lot of time with my gorgeous niece; I love this girl with all my heart! She is always fun to be with, always happy, always makes me happy! Life is very simple and easy around her, the adult's world is way too complicated…

From Israel - Frei...

From Israel - Frei...

From Israel - Frei...

From Israel - Frei...

And with Pashka it is always great fun! We got really close since I got back; he understands me. He listens to my endless stories with great enthusiasm and it makes me very happy, I have been traveling for more than six month for these stories :-). He even speaks Khmer with me (Cambodian language) :-)…
I LOVE YOU Pashkin!!!

From Israel - Frei...

From Israel - Frei...

...
You know, I started by saving I haven't been doing much, but now I just spent the last two hours going over the pictures from the last month and it seems like I did not bad! A lot of happy faces, big Cambodian smiles, good people and a lot of Tel-Aviv beach.

Life is beautiful!

And I have much more to tell, next time...

Be well!!!

Bopha :-)

Home, Home, Home!

It took me almost a week to finally finish the post, sorry! Kalpesh, this one is for you, I think you are the only one who still follows my blog :-). Sorry it's so long :-).

08 March, 2007 (11:10)
WOW, life is very fast and hectic here! You are sucked in so easily that you don't even notice. Just now, as I finally set down to catch up with you, water started to get up the sink in the kitchen, some plumbing issue. It is the second time it happens (I live in Leika's place) and it means the whole kitchen gets flooded. Today we are lucky, last time it happens at night, so we woke up in the morning to find the living room full of water. Now, every five/ten minutes I manually take the water out from the sink so we won't get flooded again, and in between I write to you…

Only 3 weeks since I am back home, but it feels much longer. Every morning I wake up and carefully ask myself "Am I still happy?" and Yes, I am. I was so afraid that once I get back home these feelings I had for the last three months will go away. But in the mean time I am pleasantly surprised.
It is great to see all my friends and family. With some I realize how important and real the relationship is; with others I no longer have anything in common.

Israel is very pretty at this time of year, it is green and fresh after the rains and it is a real joy to be outside, unfortunately I don't spend enough time out. The sunsets are beautiful; unfortunately I don't see enough of them either.
I don't have enough time for myself! The phone is always ringing, or you are in a car, or the TV is on and you spend so much time doing nothing.

Need to go, the plumber is here…

10 March, 2007 (15:35)
People definitely smile less in Israel, this is for sure! Everybody's life is so difficult. My friends have to deal with jobs, bills, love life problems, some even with kids (the biggest job ever, FUN but hard).
I walk the streets and people don't even look at each other, or if they do, they look through. Exchanging smiles is very rare, and usually more accepted with old people or kids. I understand, life is hard!

Need to go Leika, is back…

11 March, 2007 (23:00)
Now I have Tracy Chapman on, like the long evenings in sunset bar Siem Reap, Cambodia. Leika and Osher are sleeping and I set down to finally finish this post. I promised myself I will not change at home, but I have. This is the longest time I haven't blogged since I started my blog. The routine is less exciting to write about, unless you want some stories about people problems at work or home, etc'. I am not reading a book (for a first in the last months), I watch too much TV and spend too much time on the phone!
But I am happy!!! I am!
I am not working yet, and not sure whether I should search for a job, or just buy a ticket (I have enough money for a ticket) and fly back to Cambodia. I don't know.
I don't want to go back to the real life; I don't want to live like my friends, like I did before. I got angry for the first time couple of days ago, I shouldn't. My smile is fading away and I miss happy, smiling people around me.
On the other hand, something stops me from buying the ticket. Can I, is it really me to spend my life on the roads? Can I really disconnect from the real world and be happy earning my rise in Cambodia? I will never own a house, important carrier, savings… What about tomorrow??? - Everybody asks…
The same part of me always reminds me that till now I didn't really lived Cambodia through They are happy with what they have, I was happy with money. If I will go this time, it will be different, I am not coming as a tourist and I have no money, will I still be happy living the real life in Cambodia?
Anyway, I miss the person I was there, I miss Bopha! And I miss my friends and family. And I miss the Khmer smile a lot!
I have time, so I think. And maybe I should go back just for some time, until I will figure it out… Maybe there is another way, in the middle, I just didn't think of it yet…

Need to go Leika, woke up, it is coffee and conversation time, I promise to be back soon…

12 March, 2007 (00:21)
It's late and I am tired… I want to finish my post with some pictures of pretty Israel and my friends.

Tel-Aviv sunset


Me, Olga and the sunset - Tel Aviv


Me, Olga and Pashka - Tel Aviv


Very HAPPY ME - Tel Aviv


Me, Pasha and Oly in the desert


Me & my Pashka


Oly and Pasha - Lahav forest


Me - Lahav forest


Me & Osher - Osher's first train trip


The mother and the daugther


Look at them again!!!


Me and Mishka in Jerusalm - Mishka left now back to Japan :-(


With Love!

P.S check out the Albums, I have created another one:
1. http://www.flickr.com/photos/oksana-s/
2. http://picasaweb.google.com/oksanasemenov

One more unforgetable meeting!

Today was my fifth day back in Israel, but before I tell you all about this, I want to introduce you two very special people I met on my way back home.
Dav and Laura

I met them on my way from Ko-Chang to Bangkok and we had one-hell of a ride together, the best end for a wonderful journey one can ask for. We clicked right from the beginning and had an amazing time together in Bangkok.

Laura (21, England) - is one of the more interesting people I met! She is funny, smart and happy!


Dav (30, North England :-)) - is a real English prince who curses non stop. He is funny, smart and very COOL!


We knew each other only for couple of days but it felt as we were old friends. Each day we spent together was a "week long day", with a lot of jokes about Russians :-) (Dav: "She is Russian, Don't rush her"...), a lot of English slang which improved my grasp of English :-) (private joke), a lot of drinks and most importantly a lot of deep conversations. Conversations about books each read, about Cambodia, about ourselves, our weakness and strength ,and other important subjects. We talked about life, about chances, changes, and new beginnings.

It was an inspiring meeting which I will always cherish! And it was another amazing experience along the way! From my experience I can tell you for sure PEOPLE ARE GOOD!!! Or maybe I am lucky, but on my way I met only the BEST!

Dav, Laura - I LOVE YOU!!!

Coming home for a visit...

My flight is booked for the end of next week, I am spending my last week in Ko-Chang island, Thailand.


I spend my time on the beach doing a lot of thinking on how I can be back in Cambodia as soon as posible...I was happy there, for the first time in my life I felt complete.

Some doors once they opened cannot be easily closed!

See you soon!

I left my heart in Siem Reap, Cambodia :-( :-( :-( !!!

The time have came and after two months in Siem Reap, six weeks in school I left Siem Reap on Sunday (4/02/07). It was, still is, very hard. I left my heart in Siem Reap, Cambodia. I left my heart with my students, my friends, my Cambodian family... We did not say goodbye, but see you soon.

Six singing Fridays later, we sing again, till the next time!!!
Friends will be friends - Freddy Mercury
"Friends will be friends,

When you're in need of love they give you care and attention

Friends will be friends,

When you're through with life and all hope is lost

Hold out your hands because friends will be friends,

right till the end "


I miss you all ! I hope to be back soon!!!

Your always,
Bopha (I love this name!)