Who said the world is fair ???

This was my first week in Phnom Penh. Below is an email I sent to Travel to Teach, the volunteering project organization, this describes the best what I feel:"
"Hi Jessica
First, thank you very much for caring and I am sorry I haven't notified you earlier. I found the school with no special difficulties.

As for the placement, it is very different than I have imagined, in many ways. I imagined poor school, in bad neighborhood. Travelling in Asia for the last four mouths I saw a lot of places like this, poor kids, who spend their time on the streets, etc'. I am sure you understand what I mean. I guess I was naive.
Arriving here, I found a very nice school (although under constructions), with mostly kids from "well doing" families (from what I understand). In addition, we are now 7 volunteers here and this again makes me feel uncomfortable, maybe there is a place which needs me more...

Jessica please do not get me wrong, today was my second day around children and they are amazing. I am sharing with you my feelings and being honest. I have no complains to anyone, and this is definitely an adventure. I am dedicated with all my heart to the children and will do my best in all.

I believe things happen to us for a reason and we shall learn from any experience, this is exactly what I plan to do.

Thank you,

Oksana "

I have paid 640$ for 4 weeks of volunteering (covers only my stay fee and the rest is donation), believing I am donating for a good purpose and now I am not sure. It is not at all as I expected.

The manger/owner of the school Mouy and her husband also live in the school, next door to mine & Clare's room (another volunteer). This means no privacy at all. Mouy is also very different than I have imagined, she is a determined, cold, business woman unlike I expected to meet a kind, loving spiritual woman, all devoted to children. I doubt her motives, and really dislike her attitude toward the local staff and in general people around her. Children afraid of her, and their happy smiles disappear every time teacher Mouy is around.
You know me, if I do not like somebody it is shown, so I just try to have as less interaction as possible with her.

In addition we live in the school which is currently under constructions, meaning a lot of noise, water supply problems, etc'. But this disturbs me the less.
Except me & Clare who arrived the same day I did, there is Corin (48) from Holland who is here for her second mouth, she also lives in the school and now thinking maybe to move to a guest house. Adel (Hungary) & Brigite (UK) also here already for a mouth and live in the school. Dona (Australia) and Beky (UK) live out and come everyday for work.

There are also five children who live in the school, they are relatives of Kin (Mouy husbund) and come from poor villages. Two of them live with their mother Sophep, and the other 3 on their own, as their mother lives in a village. But Sophep takes care of all of them and also does all the house keeping work around.

My day starts at 07:30 am till 17:00, with 2 hours lunch break. I am assigned with the young children in the kinder garden. There is also older children school, operated on the second floor, Beky & Brigit work with the older kids.
It is a Montessori kinder garden, so it is very different. There are ~30 children, 4 people local staff and 5 of us. The kids are AMAZING!!! Despite everything I just said, I spent my day with a smile. Children give you so much love that it fills you in!

This is my first weekend in Phnom Penh and I woke up today at 07:00 am as the constructions started. I had a quick coffee and spent all morning blogging. Now I will go to explorer the city. Tonight I probably will check in to some guest house, so I could get back late at night without feeling guilty to wake somebody up and most importantly sleep late tomorrow and have a proper hot water shower.

I try to stay positive and take the best I can from this experience, I just wish I could make more difference and give more in a place with real need. BUT who said the world is fair, right?

Be well!